The mother-in-law frequently forgets that she was a daughter-in-law. ~ Unknown ~ [Source]
Living with a mother-in-law isn’t easy. For the daughter-in-law, she has been used to living with her mother and the husband’s mother living with the family has her own ways in the house although the house may not be in her name. She will expect respect from the daughter-in-law and impose her own rules in the house.
This has led to many spouses arguing with each other about the mother-in-law. There are many reasons leading to why mother-in-laws live with couples. Illnesses such as stroke, death of the father-in-law, or just the sudden decision of the mother-in-law herself.
There are ways to survive such a living arrangement. Ultimately, she is part of the family, communication with your spouse is of utmost importance. Her quirky way of handling the children may put you off while your spouse is used to it. While the elders may not take too kindly to constructive criticism despite your well-intentions, getting your spouse to talk to her could help in reducing the friction.
If living with the mother-in-law causes a phobia, how would you deal with it? One could go on with horror stories of living with mother-in-laws. How did you overcome it?
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Hi,
I am a non-Singaporean who is married to a Chinese-Singaporean man. My family came from a well to do family in our country and my mother knew that.
Our first apartement was not far from where my mother in-law lives. She had asked my husband for a spare key to our apartement and without my knowledge my husband had given her the key.
Imagine my horor that she came to our place anytime she wanted without first leeting us know that she would visit us. Sometimes, she brought along her siblings and her mother (my grand-mother in-law).
Not only that, she would open every drawer in the house (including the ones in our bed-room) and our wardrobe.
I was very pissed when she said mean things when my father passed away and the things she said about my mom and my sisters.
My mother in-law is a very money-minded, gossipy and controlling person. When I was pregant with our second child, we moved to a different neighbourhood. I told my husband family bluntly and firmly things that my mother in-law had done that I would not tolerate ever again. I have told my husband that I will speak up and won’t give in to my mother in-law if she dares to scold me in front of public or if she dares to do the horrible things she has done to me. I have told my husband that I will only visit my parents in-law on special occassions only when I feel like it.
Enough is enough.
I have told my husband that he need to learn to defend his wife.
The funny thing was my mother in-law was so scared of the wife (now is the ex-wife) of my husband younger brother. Was it because she was a Singaporean too?
For all mother in-laws out there, please respect your daughter in-law. Giver her space and do not critize or say mean things about her family.
Anyone else want to share her experience about this area?
I’m not surprised that such a person exists. Unfortunately, it’s a typical “auntie” habit that can’t be get rid of. A mother will be protective of her son despite him being married with kids. However, asking for a spare key is a case of being paranoid about the integrity of the daughter-in-law, IMHO. Unfortunately, I don’t know of any cure for this.
Being scared of a Singaporean ex-daughter-in-law could mean that she could deal with your mother-in-law. She could have found a way to make her less dominating and controlling.